14 WEEKS

Wow has it been a crazy couple of weeks! Sorry it has been so long and I apologize if anyone feels forgotten. My mom and sis got here over a week ago and I have been enjoying their company and trying to spend as much time with them as possible before they leave again! First of all let me say MY MOM ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!! She has been scrubbing and cleaning my house and cooking dinner, it has been nice and I know the hubby enjoys the break! Last Tuesday I went to see the specialist and he was great! He had me stop taking some of the meds I was on, and changed the dose on the other. He also sent a report back to OB for them to see me and schedule a cerclage for this week. I figured with Thanksgiving being this week it wouldn't get done. Also he said I didn't need to be on bedrest I very much enjoyed one week of it lol oh well. I had my appt on Monday to see the OB dr who was doing my cerclage. She let me know that I would be on modified bed rest til the baby comes. Which basically means I can't be on my feet for any period of time, I can fix myself a quick bite to eat or sit but no cooking, cleaning, or shopping! Then yesterday was all my pre op with anethesia, surgery, and admissions, that only took all morning. Today I had the cerclage done and can I say the weirdest thing I have ever been through! I had a spinal block because that was the safest for the baby, but that meant I was awake for the entire procedure! That felt so weird to be coherent in the OR but not feel anything but tugging! The worst part of it all was the local anethesic in my back so they could put in the spinal block! That spinal block was the weirdest sensation ever! I found it very humorous to try with all your might to move your legs and toes and not be able to move anything. I have had some spotting from the cerclage but nothing bad at all. The worst pain afterwards and right now is my back hurts pretty bad where the did the spinal block, and my hand hurts where they blew out a vain trying to put in an iv, it is really puffy and the whole top of my hand is blue! But other than that no pain down that region whatsoever. I liked the dr that did the procedure too! It was just a very interesting morning. I think I have been prepared for when the baby comes, I have been through labor and delivery once, and now I know what it feels like to have a spinal or epidural done so I feel prepared! Well I am getting tired so I am going if I forgot anything I'll post it later! Everyone have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Waiting on Tuesday!

Well I am definitely ready for my appt on Tuesday! I an hoping for good news or at least a cerclage in by the end of next week. I have been having pressure, it worried me so much last night that I didn't sleep well. My cervix has been  hurting Since Tuesday and it seems to be a little worse. I am just hoping I can make it until Tuesday to get answers. Wednesday I am having an ultrasound to measure the length of my cervix, wish it would've already been done so I know where I stand. So hopefully next week will bring lots of answers and solutions, then maybe I can stop worrying as much and rest easier! At least my mom and sis will be here Sunday that should help distract me from my worry too! So waiting on Tuesday!

Waiting Game

Have I mentioned I hate waiting! I hate playing this whole waiting game when it comes to me and my baby! So I saw the nurse practioner not the dr today, but I really liked her. I explained what was going on with the referral and she checked into it and it is in, but it will take 2 to 3 days to get through the insurance. By Monday I should have an appointment with the specialist. That's the good news. Also good news is all my test results were normal, including the glucose thank goodness! I told her about me going to the ER on Friday and how my cervix hurt. So she examined me and when she examined my cervix it hurt again. So she put me in for an ultrasound asap to measure the length of my cervix! She said that this would probably be the only time I would see her then she changed my status to complicated OB. I have an appointment in 2 weeks. I am concerned that my cervix seems to be hurting and hoping it is just so they take me serious and a warning sign. I should hear back from radiology by tomorrow on when my ultrasound is! I HAVE GREAT NEWS IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING THIS THE SPECIALIST'S OFFICE CALLED TO SET UP MY APPOINTMENT!!!!! I GO IN TUESDAY AT 3:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow did my day just get better! Now I know for sure my mom and sister will be here to visit before that! I feel so much better and relieved. My day was starting to turn bad and I was getting depressed again, not now! The girl said the specialist reviewed my chart and wanted to see me next week Hallelujah! Can you tell I am really excited!!!! Well not much else to say, now to see what the specialist says because everything is riding on him at this point! Well I am going to enjoy my evening!

Frustration!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This weekend just was not my weekend and today doesn't seem to be any better! I get so frustrated with everything! I can't just get up and get myself whatever I need I have to rely on my husband for that. What sucks even more is he has been working most weekends too.  I get so lonely and bored. By time my husband gets off work and comes home he is too tired to do anything. Right now I can't find the tv remote well I can't get up and go on a mad hunt so all I have right now is my computer and internet. It has been 8 weeks now and it is getting to me really bad! It doesn't help that I seem to be in an irritated mood either. Bed rest does not help mood swings at all I think it makes them so much worse, it also makes its hard to have any good days at all. I get and stay depressed so much easier! Also I have no clue what happened to my referral to the specialist, tomorrow makes 2 weeks and still nothing! I feel sorry for the dr I see tomorrow she is going to have a very unhappy patient on her hands! These drs need to get their act together! It also doesn't help with the holidays coming up and no family around. I am also frustrated cause I can't go Christmas shopping, yeah I know I can do it online but it's not the same. Also you can't get stocking stuffers online. Anything I buy online for my husband he will see where it was bought and will figure it out from there! Ugh I am just hating everything right now, I cried all afternoon yesterday and today is looking like a posssible repeat! P.S. I am not doing this again! Looks like I will only have one kid I can't take this again!

Day 53

Wow 53 days already on bed rest! Let's just say today has been a crazy day! Started off my going to the ER, I had a lot of pressure down there and felt I needed to be checked out. Luckily my cervix is still closed, but it hurt around my cervix during the exam which concerns me. I started off by calling OB to get a same day appointment, but of course they don't do that! I was transfered to the nurse and left a message, surprisingly she called me back pretty quick but told me I had to go to the ER. Now let me explain about being pregnant going to the ER, usually you get the I am not an OB so I can't say for sure. So you can't tell me anything for sure because you are not an OB, but yet I can't get in to see an OB for days, how stupid is that? Basically though I know my cervix is still closed for the moment anyways and that is what I was concerned about. So I decided I better check on my referal to the perinatologist since I still have not heard anything! I decided to call the department that all the referals go through to check on it, I talked to 2 different people who both say they see nothing in the system for it. The one nurse in the department told me to call OB back and tell them the referal is not in the system and to put it in again. Now remember this is a referal that was supposed to be put in October 26th, 2 weeks ago, and wasn't actually put in til Monday when I called to check on it. i call OB and tell her what I told to say and she says it was put in, that the dr alreday had copies of my records and paperwork and that he was closed today that was probably why he hadn't called. Needless to say I am livid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am supposed to see this dr before anything is done to my cervix, well I have about a week left before action needs to be taken. So I don't know what to believe. I have an appointment on Tuesday so they better pray to God that I hear from that dr by then, or it will not be a pleasant appointment. They will hate me by the end of it! I won't take this laying done! ( Well actually I will since I am on bed rest but I'm not being nice anymore, they had their chance and blew it! ) Please pray that this specialist will want to be the dr to treat me during the pregnancy, I just don't trust the drs here! I get so frustrated with the drs here and how hard you have to fight to just get normal treatment. I want a dr who will tell it to me straight and calm my fears, the drs here just make my blood boil and don't take me seriously! Well that has been my day!

Why Sheep?

Why sheep? The pictures I have put up are of the baby bedding I bought after I lost my son but before I got pregnant again. I ran across it and loved the sheep or lambs and the soft colors I just had to have it. It is the Wendy Bellissimo Starlight set, and it has been discontinued. I felt it was meant for me to have it because the girl I got it from didn't sell it before I got the money to buy it. I have the 5 piece crib set, a valance, a panel, the mobile, the clock, the picture, and the shelf! The reason I had to have this so much is when my baby boy died the hospital took lots of pictures of him for me to have right down to his hands and feet. I feel for most people the pictures are to disturbing to post up, but they mean the world to me. I get to remember and see what he looked liked. The pictures are beautiful they posed him and everything! Well my favorite pictures of him are the ones with him and this stuffed sheep because he looks like he is sleeping cuddled with this little sheep. The picture below is an edited version of one of them! By the way that sheep is one of those tiny beanie babies that McDonald's gives out in happy meals. I have a box that has everything they posed him with in the pictures including the sheep! So anyways, the sheep is just stuck in my memory and makes me think of my baby boy. So when I saw this bedding I thought how neat would it be to get this in honor of my son's memory for our next baby. It for me is a way of making sure he stays part of the family and to make his memory live on, and  so the next baby has a piece of him too. For me the bedding is neutral too so it works for either girl or boy! I love the soft peacefulness feeling it has, and the colors and sheep or lambs remind me of my son. The sheep or lambs represent Gabriel. I can't wait til the nursery is all set up and I get to see it. It sucks that I can't be the one to do it though I love to do things like that. I am also excited that this baby should come around Easter! There should be plenty of stuffed lambs at the store that I can send my husband to go buy. The colors are a very light blue, white, light buttercup yellow, and a sage green. The theme has lambs, sheep, stars, and a moon. I also made some pictures to hang up with the twinkle, twinkle little star poem and starlight starbright poem. I think I am going to go with white furniture to complement everything else, but we will see.

11 Weeks

I am 11 weeks today! Yay! I have decided since I have time on my hands that I would start this blog. It will pretty much be about what's going on with everything or whatever random thoughts pop in my head for the day. As of right now I am waiting to get an appointment with a specialist. I saw the dr for the first time a week ago who told me he didn't want to do anything til I had seen this specialist. Well I was supposed to get a phone call letting me know when and where. Of course I haven't heard anything so I called to check on it, and big surprise it wasn't even put in! When I called the girl put me on hold and the dr gave her the info to put it in ( a week later might add! ). She told me she was going to put it in and I should hear something in a day or so, well it has been 2 days and nothing! Why is it I have to make sure the drs are doing their job? So I am calling first thing in the morning, and will continue to call everyday til I have the appointment! I guess I should explain why I am being so agressive. I lost my first baby at 21 weeks due to an imcompetent cervix, it was the worst day of my life! So I need my cervix stitched close to keep the baby in as long as possible. Well this needs to happen at 13 weeks. I am not seeing the same dr as I was with the first pregnancy. These drs here don't usually see you until you are 12 weeks. Luckily for me since I am high risk they saw me sooner. But they seem to want to make sure it's my cervix first. Well guess what the other dr said it was, and I will make sure they do what they need to prevent it happening again! It's just very frustrating having to butt heads with every dr you come in contact with to get the care you need to make sure you get your baby at the end of it! I have already been through the worst I know what can happen and I can't go through that again! by the way I am NOT a good, patient pregnant person!